Murray's Musings

January 11, 2011.  Not my favourite day, by any means.

At roughly 7:00pm we get a phone call from my wife’s brother to tell us that their older sister, Brenda, hasn’t been seen or heard from since early that morning.  Phoned in sick to work.  Cell phone off.  Nothing.

(We also get a phone call roughly 1/2 hour later from a good friend who is our kids’ youth pastor that he, the children’s pastor, and the lead pastor of our church have all be let go.  This just compounds the feelings of confusion and sadness over the next year.)

Then we wait….. and wait….. and wait.

The next week is spent in panic.  Searching.  Praying.  Hoping for Brenda’s safe return.  Trying to discern what it all means.

And then a week later, we find out that Brenda’s body had been found — a suicide brought on by a chemical imbalance that lead to anxiety and depression.

Questioning.  Searching.  More praying.  Second-guessing.  Reading.  Talking.  Praying again.

A year later we have gone through a whole series of firsts that we never in a million years would have expected, or wanted — Easter; Summer at the cottage; Thanksgiving; Christmas; Birthdays; Weddings — all without Brenda.

It’s been a tough year.  But today marks the end of that year.  God has seen us through these dark days.  There are more to come, I’m sure.  More remembering.  More grieving.  More wishing.  More praying.

We’ve not forgotten.  We won’t forget.  And we will rejoice in the hope that we have in Christ, knowing that Brenda has gone ahead.

TTFN

Well, even though my holidays officially were over last weekend, this week things return back to “normal”.  We’ve wished Jordan and Rachel a fond farewell as they head back to Thunder Bay and we just dropped our niece off at the train station for her trek back to Woodstock.  School starts tomorrow for all our kids as well as all the “normal”, busy activities of our life (whatever “normal” is).

However, this will be a hard week as well.  Tomorrow, Nancy is heading down to be with her Mom and Dad as her Dad goes in for more surgery.  It appears that the cancer has spread into the lymph nodes under his left arm (and possibly the right as well) and so on Tuesday they are going to do day surgery to remove what they can, and I assume that will be followed by more radiation and/or chemo.

Nancy will stay over a few day as her Dad recuperates, but it will also be a great time for them to be together as Wednesday marks the 1 year anniversary of Nancy’s sister, Brenda’s passing away.  What an odd year this has been, and it some ways seems like an eternity, but in others, seems like just a few short weeks.  Barely a day goes by when we don’t think about Brenda in some way and how things would have been different if she’d still been around.

It will be a tough week, I’m sure, but God is there.  The sermon this morning was a great reminder to us of that.  The pastor’s four points were:

1. You must let go of your worries.
2. You must let go of your wounds.
3. You must let go of your wrongs.
4. You must let go of your regrets.

Seemed like it was tailored just for us this morning. 🙂

Thanks for your prayers this week.

TTFN

What can I say at this point.  We had hoped and prayed for the best, even while fearing the worst.

This morning Brenda was found, but unfortunately not alive.

She is free from the depression she endured.  She is free from the anxieties of this world.  We will mourn, for sure, but we rejoice that she is with her Lord and Saviour, and that for those who believe in Him, we WILL see her again some day.

PTL!

It’s been two days since I last wrote anything on here about Brenda’s disappearance.  That’s because there really is no news.

I wish I was able to write that they have found her and that she is okay.  I wish that I could write that it’s all been a big misunderstanding.  I wish that I could write that this story is just a dream.  But I can’t.

Some of you know that Nancy and her brother, Steve, spent the last day searching through Niagara Falls for their older sister, Brenda.  Why Niagara Falls?  Well, that’s a good question.

God sometimes speaks to His people through dreams and visions and one of HIs people had a vision.  During a time of prayer and devotion, they saw Brenda in a car, at a 2-story hotel along the Niagara River at the lower end of the Falls.  It was clear, and it was repeated.  When she went through Google Street View she indeed saw the motel that she saw in her vision.  So they had to check it out.

Unfortunately, it didn’t pan out.

They searched all over in Niagara Falls; talked to the police; talked to motel/hotel owners along that route; talked to waitresses; showed Brenda picture and told her story.

Nothing.

Does that mean the vision was wrong?  Maybe, maybe not.

Does that mean we’re going clutching at staws?  You bet.

Does that mean we’re going crazy with worry?  Most definitely.

We can only continue to pray that Brenda is safe somewhere and that she’ll be found soon.  We can only continue to pray that she will come home.  We can only continue to pray “Thy will be done”.

Well enough of my 6am ramblings.  Please continue to pray.

TTFN

Google Definition: WAITING:  the act of waiting (remaining inactive in one place while expecting something); “the wait was an ordeal for him”.

• remaining inactive – well not really. I can’t stop trying to keep busy right now.
• in one place – well, that part is mostly true.  I can’t seem to want to leave to do anything else!
• expecting something – Wow! I’m just wishing and praying that ANYTHING would happen right now!!
• “the wait was an ordeal for him” – Hey! That’s me!!

Obviously there’s no word on Brenda yet – nothing, nada, naught, nil, zero, zilch, zip, goose egg!  No sign of the car.  No sign of her.  No sightings, no tips, no leads.  The only “new” information is that it appears that she called in sick at a time when she must have been at home, and then she left home.

Sitting and waiting, scouring the internet, reading the same news stories over and over, praying, emailing, answering the phone, watching message fly by on Facebook, watching people post their wishes and prayers and scriptures, trying to do work, and crying.  All of this sucks, but especially the waiting.

Someone just sent me a message on Facebook with 2Corinthians 1:3,4 in it.  In The Message, it reads…

All praise to the God and Father of our Master, Jesus the Messiah! Father of all mercy! God of all healing counsel! He comes alongside us when we go through hard times, and before you know it, he brings us alongside someone else who is going through hard times so that we can be there for that person just as God was there for us.

That’s what’s getting us through this at this point.

I know it sounds trite to say “Thanks for your prayers,” but that’s exactly what we need right now, and it’s the only thing that is keeping us going.

So, once again…. Thanks for your prayers!!!

TTFN

PS.  I just read the second part of the definition… “being and remaining ready and available for use”.  Name it Lord!!

TTFN again.

Thank you to so many of you for your prayers for my sister-in-law, Brenda.  I wish I had news — any news — but unfortunately today has been quite dry with news.  The police are still searching, the media has been amazing at picking up the story, and people around the world are praying.

I know of at least three churchs here in Toronto that are praying, and I’m sure there are at least three others in London/Woodstock that are praying as well (I’d bet that number is even higher).  On top of that, through the beauty of the Internet, Facebook and Twitter, we have people praying in:

• All over Southern Ontario
• Thunder Bay, Ontario
• Ottawa, Ontario
• Atlanta, Georgia

… and even …

• Brisbane, Australia
• Medellin, Columbia
• Gladstone, Oregon, USA
• Harare, Zimbabwe
• (I’ll update this as more places chime in)

I know that our family has REALLY appreciated the prayers.  It is amazing to feel the prayers of others being lifted up to God and to know that the Father is listening and responding with love and grace.

Keep praying, and we’ll keep you updated.

TTFN